From weak to WTF: a triumvirate of bad choreography

On one hand, I understand the need to take music videos to the next level, to stand out, to be different; the music video has always been a kind of odd creation. Is it advertising? Is it art? Nevertheless, it seems PVs have been increasingly less about promoting artists and more about promoting concepts. But moving from Big Personas to Big Ideas has created some really poor choices, among them setting, effects, and choreography. Notable are the following recent promotional videos for Mitsuki Aira’s “BARBiE BARBiE,” MEG’s “SKIN,” and Chihiro Onitsuka’s “X,” which commit the heinous crime of making you remind yourself that not only is the choreography suspect, it was meant to be like that.

Overall, Aira’s PV gets its point across: Barbie is plastic and fake and so is this promotional video, a Space Jam-inspired hoopla laced with some sort of designer drug, but with the singer doing  a lot of robotic arm flailing. The movement is so simple as to take much of its idea from a game of Simon Says.

Once in a while, she does a twirl, but mostly, she makes shadow puppets (but without the shadow, so they’re not really puppets either, I guess) and walks around.

This would have worked really well if it were a 1954 ad for Philip Morris.

If she was showing us how much dancing skill she had, her hands are just far enough past each other to be in the negative.

Swine flu is still scary, even in green screen Malibu.

MEG’s PV for “SKIN” is like Wack-a-Mole, but with pink martians distracting you with interpretational dance.

I recommend you study each one individually at a time for full appreciation.

What.

The music really doesn’t help, as it even sounds delusional. MEG looks like she’s concentrating really hard on making this complicated hand-on-hip move look competent. Like, hey is my teapot OK? You sure? Can I do that over? I can do it better.

Chihiro Onitsuka is still attemping some sort of hard rock crossover with her new single, “X,” a really poor, drawn out interpretation of schizophrenia. I genuinely thought this was going to be something interesting until she jumped off the bench, at which point the choregraphy moves so quick, there are no screenshots that can truly capture it; it’s like demonic possession in fast forward! I expected pea soup to come shooting out at some point.

Does anybody have any interviews on this thing? The poor girl probably rehearsed this for weeks!

This is the part I expected soup.

This is the best part! At some point, a male “dancer” shows up and there’s a dance-off on a narrow bridge; it’s like American Gladiators, but with no foamy weapons and really awesome digital lightening!

This is the worst part! Apparently, the whole thing is a metaphor for intercourse.

This is what happens when you have unprotected dance.

BARBiE BARBiE PV ░ [ View ]
SKIN PV ░ [ View ]
X PV ░ View ]

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4 thoughts on “From weak to WTF: a triumvirate of bad choreography

  1. Lisa says:

    “This is what happens when you have unprotected dance.”

    I could see this quote being used in sex ed classes. Except if I were teaching it I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face.

  2. [...] Videos That Don’t Even Pretend To Dance From weak to WTF: a triumvirate of bad choreography [...]

  3. Espa says:

    This post has just filled my daily lol-quota for about a month.

    And that Chihiro PV definitely screams demonic possession. Simply wonderful.

  4. vinyabarion says:

    You always make me laugh, how’ve you been? Thought I’d let you know I got into FSU for the fall so, yeah, just saying. That part about the teapot thing made me laugh out loud.

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