Hikaru! Out of my country!

(Also known as One of the Meanest Articles I Have Ever Written)

Before I go on to criticize, nag, and generally boast very little knowledge about Hikaru Utada, please do not continue to read if you are easily offended or just a huge Hikaru fan.

A little more then a year ago, I, along with many other Japanese music fanatics across America, read a very small paragraph in Rolling Stone magazine about Hikaru Utada. Or in TIME magazine. Or was that before? In any case, it was clear to me that it was already too late to take action. The inevitable had happened. And now, little more then a year later, there is startling revelations that the time is near. signing to Island Def Jam with plans to release songs here in the United States. Then I see her face all over that one

First of all, why Hikaru, I have no idea. Sure, she’s managed to capture the Japanese islanders hearts’ by supposedly being one of the “pioneers” of R&B music in Japan but umm, who cares? And, oh. My. God. She speaks English, too?!! Someone can speak two languages…at the same time? Impossible! Utterly spectacular!!

Is this why I hate Hikaru so much? Not exactly. Oh yes. There’s more. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s when people have things handed to them on silver platters throughout their entire lives. “That’s an excuse,” you may say, “for people who just generally suck at life and are jealous of her good looks, talent, and lovability factor.” Wrong. In my opinion, Hikaru has had it easy her entire life. How did she get into the singing business? Both her parents worked in the music business; her father was a producer and her mother was a singer? Good golly, no! That’s not how she grew up in a recording studio her entire life while other singers had to slave over their own talents to put together a scrape of what it takes to make it, is it? Is it, I ask you? And saying “Well, yeah, she may have had it easy there, but it takes more then just that to acquire so many fans” may I remind you she wouldn’t even have the fans if she didn’t have such easy access to a recording studio and famous parents who encouraged her musical endeavors, even enough to let her release something under the moniker Cubic U in the United States before failure set in and she was flown off to Japan to try again. And don’t even get me started about her marrying her 40-something year old cameraman.

I agree her last few releases have been pretty good. I thouroughly enjoyed “SAKURA DROPS,” “Deep River,” “COLORS” and “Letters.” Which is funny, because these are the songs most of her fans dislike because of it’s changing style. No, it’s not R&B. It’s good. But the point here, is that the R&B that got her so popular is just way too common here in the United States. It’s all you hear on the radio unless you tune it to, you know, a good station. OK, hypothetically, let’s say she does make it “big” here…that’s when all the, “I knew about her years before she came here” and the, “I own all her Japanese songs on Winamp!” start.

Bottom line: I don’t like Hikaru. I hope she fails so for the first time in her life she knows what it feels like to have to scrape what bitter remains of her life are left and live on her husband’s meager income. If he even lives that long.